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Bilingual Hymn of a Sometimes Tiger Mama

admin — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 18:30:38 +0000

My bookclub just finished Battle hymn of a Tiger Mother and it caused me to re-evaluate my inner Tigress. I choose my hymn carefully and it goes something like this, “Kids, you get to decide most things most of the time. I get to decide some of the things some of the time.” Outcome: No Real Battle.

Sometimes I draw a line in the San Diego sand and say “I get to decide this one.”

The current this one is Spanish. Why? Because my job is to prepare my children to live in this world and this world is much greater than monolingual-ism. Because the research about flexibility in thinking shows increases with dual language ability and that innate ability starts to disappear in early childhood. Check out this fascinating video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fcb8nT0QC6o

For my child, while still in the womb, I choose a Spanish Immersion Magent school and what do you know… my firstborn got in. Bummer for us was that as a mere neonate I did not know she would shrivel up and want to crawl back into the womb if I sent her to this school. After much gashing of teeth we turned it down. Instead I launched a full blown Operation Spanish Immersion After School Surprise Attack at her current school. I researched every possible language option (and my partner would call this an understatement). Then, I found Lena the fabulous director of Lingua Natal who now offers a 10:1 ration three times per week (research shows frequency matters more than duration) full Spanish Immersion After School Program.

Are you ready for the real Bilingual Tiger Mama kicker? I made her go over Winter Break too. That’s right. While other kids were lounging in new holiday pj’s my child was up and at ‘em. Y en el em Ah Huh. Because that clock is ticking. Did you watch the video? I forced my shy (understatment) child to attend a winter break camp (with strangers) at the Lingua Natal’s main campus. I only found out later that every other kid at camp was already bilingual. My kid? She cried (real tears) and refused to go. I repeated my carefully chosen battle hymn:
“You get to choose most things most of the time. Learning Spanish is our choice.”

Now, she’ll tell you with a I just lost a lower tooth swagger, “I’m the best in my class at Spanish.” She can even translate Spanish Dora cartoons to her dad. And I don’t mean that un poco of Spanish on regular Dora. Nope I mean DORA IN SPANISH. That’s right. We don’t mess around. In true Bilingual Tiger Mama form our “screen time” is in Spanish.

What’s on my bookshelf?

admin — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 17:33:01 +0000

Often asked for book recommendations, here is the short list of Baby Maven Favs…



Transition into Parenthood
admin — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 05:20:42 +0000
Arriving home from the hospital with their newborn daughter,          Shoshanna and Jon were both overjoyed and overwhelmed. The couple anticipated          the happiness they would feel for this very wanted baby, but they were          shocked by how hard it was to transition from a duo to a trio. 
Shoshanna had spent hours talking to friends and pouring over websites          to make the most informed decision on whether to get the Bugaboo or the          Peg Perego. She and Jon had taken classes for Lamaze, newborn care, breastfeeding          and infant CPR. This couple felt as prepared to be parents as they could          be, yet in all of their efforts, they didn’t consider how becoming parents          would change them and their relationship.
According to research by Drs. John & Julie Gottman, creators of the          Bringing Baby Home Program, 67% of new parents report a decrease in relationship          satisfaction after the birth of a child. Shoshanna and Jon found themselves          immediately part of these odds; fighting more often, having no time for          themselves or one another and feeling crushed under the weight of sleep          deprivation. Jon, concerned about the additional costs of a child, retreated          to work where he felt competent and needed. Shoshanna wondered if something          was wrong with her or their relationship. Why wasn’t she ecstatic that          they were finally a family? What this couple didn’t know was that their          feelings were perfectly normal.
A recent Newsweek article reports that, in a study of over 31,000 couples,          the current generation of parents find parenting forty-two percent more          difficult than their predecessors. One of the reasons parents today find          themselves more challenged and less happy is the breakdown of communities.          In the past, most mothers stayed home and developed a support network          of other mothers in their neighborhood. Today, we are challenged with          not only more two parent working families but also with the isolation          of suburbia.
While we may not live down the street from our parents and our best friends,          we can take advantage of the resources in our communities and in so doing,          some of the hardships found in parenting today will be mitigated. Most          neighborhoods have programs for new mothers such as playgroups or educational          classes. It’s important to get involved. Christy joined a breastfeeding          support group at her hospital and said, “I knew every Wednesday I          would get out of the house and get to talk to other mothers. That was          a real life raft for me in the beginning.”
The importance of social support to diminish stress and depression is          well documented. Being involved in a playgroup or class is more than time          to socialize with other new mothers; getting out of the house and sharing          our experiences and concerns with others both reduces the risk and alleviates          the effects of post partum depression. Discussing our concerns normalizes          our experiences and we feel less alone and less anxious knowing that others          are going through similar struggles.
Debra, mother of a two year old, captures this sentiment. “As I          was starting a new chapter in my life, becoming a mom, it was really great          to have an instant group of friends in my playgroup; here were other moms          and babies all at the same stage and the exact same age. I always felt          better after going to a playgroup.” Research shows that when women          verbally express their experiences they feel rejuvenated. This positive          energy in turn helps us give more to our children.
Fortunately, Shoshana learned about a nearby mom’s group and got involved.          The many conversations she had with other new mothers helped her to feel          less isolated and better able to cope with the huge changes in her life.          Asking other mothers about sleep problems, nursing and relationships stress          enabled her get the support she needed.
In the next article we will visit with Jon and Shoshanna as they learn          essential skills for maintaining their relationship during the transition          into parenthood.
A version of this article first appeared in Shalom Baby’s          Spring 2007 e-newsletter.



Help for the Holidays
admin — Thu, 02 Dec 2010 04:13:52 +0000

The holiday season can be a challenging time, regardless          of what you celebrate. Here are some common pitfalls and how to avoid          them and make this holiday season a happy memory for all.
Creating New Rituals:
In the lifespan of a new family, you and your partner may          be just establishing yourselves as an autonomous family unit. Perhaps          this will be your child’s first holiday season or the first time you break          tradition with your family or origin. Change especially in the face of          tradition, is stressful.
Before having children, Kelly and Dave used to spend Christmas          Eve with her family on the East Coast and they’d spend Christmas Day flying          to the Midwest to make it in time for Christmas dinner with Dave’s family.          “After Emily was born it was just impossible to cram it all in. We          fought about it and it was challenging but in the end, having a baby helped          us form our own identity as a family and now we are creating our own traditions          for Emily.”
Kelly and Dave’s situation is not unique. Every couple,          no matter how similar their family of origin in culture, religion and          geography is a cross cultural couple, creating for the first time their          own unique family culture. Effective couples work on negotiating holiday          rituals that bring pieces from their family of origin traditions. This          allows the meaningful creation of new traditions that will make up the          memories of their own children’s holiday experience.
Structuring your vacation:
Holidays can mean a change in routine. Usually, there is          time off from work and school. Often it means travel plans. The change          in structure, even if there is no travel, can be stressful on a family.          Children especially thrive with order and routine and suddenly having          a week or two without the familiar pattern can be a challenge.
“Jack goes to bed at 7:30 and naps from 12-2pm. This          holiday with all the family visiting and late night dinners was a disaster,”          said, Stacie, mother of two year old Jack “All of his cousins are          older and we didn’t eat until past his bedtime. Jack was a wreck and we          all wound up cranky.”
Families who vacation well together have perfected the art          of balancing the need for consistency and routine with the need for flexibility.          Stacie learned that she needed to be consistent with Jack’s bedtime routine,          but that she could be flexible about his naps. “Initially it was          hard to stand up to the pressure from my family who rarely get time with          him. Once my partner and I were able to agree we decided that Jack’s needs          came first and the rest of our week went much more smoothly.”
Communicate!
It can be helpful to talk with your partner before the holidays,          vacation or travel to discuss your expectations. If you are in agreement          on what your goals are for yourselves and your children, on what you can          be flexible about and on what you need to be firm, the disruption will          be less challenging. Couples tend to revert back to old patterns and roles          of childhood when they are around their families of origin. Managing expectations          with open communication with one’s partner helps couples present a united          front and a solid family unit more likely to be respected by extended          family members.
Reconnect with your partner:
Holidays can be a time to connect with extended family or          to catch up on projects but don’t forget to use your holidays to connect          with your partner too. Go to bed at the same time and spend time sharing          about your favorite part of the day, something funny your child did or          said or a childhood memory you may not have shared.
With some extra planning and sharing of your ideas, the          holidays can present an opportunity for young families to grow closer          and create new memories together.



Favorite Newsletter Art Projects
admin — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 04:10:05 +0000



Four Winter Art Projects
White projects:

1) Take all sorts of found materials in white, and make a collage on a          colored piece of construction paper. Look for ribbon, fabric, white glitter,          pipe cleaners, coffee filters, packing peanuts, salt, sugar, white beans.          Point out the different colors of white, that there are always lots of          shades of one color.
2) Take a white crayon and color a design on white paper. Use a colored          water color and paint over your invisible design, covering the whole page.          Magically, the design made by the white crayon will appear.
Rainy or Snowy Day Projects:

Put some powdered tempera paint in a shaker. On a rainy or snowy day,          shake colored, powdered tempera paint onto a heavy piece of paper, like          card stock. Carry the paper outside, keeping it flat, so the powder won’t          move. Place it in the rain or snow. Remove it from the precipitation after          just a few minutes, the paint will become liquid and make a beautiful          design. (If you don’t have tempera paint, you can try this with shaved          colored chalk dust. The colors will NOT be as vibrant, but it will work.
Treasure box:

These make great holiday presents. Take an empty cigar box. Glue different          shaped macaroni and pasta on the box. Let glue dry. Spray paint (outside!)          the box with gold or silver paint. You can line the inside of the box          with felt, if you want. A great gift treasure box!
Hint: 

When you do an art project, make a sample of the project to keep. Type          up instructions, gather materials, and the sample and store all together          in a zip-lock bag. Next time you want a project, everything will be together          and waiting. These can be hung on a hanger in a closet, or stored in a          big bin. Record your comments as well. Great for babysitters
Marsha Loeb received her BFA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.          In addition to being the mother of four and grandmother of two, she taught          Mommy & Me art classes for 15 years at the Jewish Community Center          in Milwaukee. Ms. Loeb held the position of JCC Day Camp Director and          Children & Youth Director at the JCC Milwaukee. She also contributed          to the book: Taste of Jewish Traditions, (arts and crafts section) published          by the Milwaukee JCC.
Fancy February Art Projects
Crayon muffins
Here is a way to use all those old crayon pieces that are          just taking up space.

Break stubs into little pieces.

Mix colors and put pieces in muffin tins.

Place in a 200 degree oven that has been turned off.

Let melt, then cool muffins. Pop out of tins.

Ta Da! Children will have multicolored, easy-to-hold crayons!



Golf ball painting
Supplies:

golf ball(s)

paper

sturdy box top or box bigger than the paper

tempera paint

paper cups

plastic spoons
Choose three colors of paint. Put about one inch of each color in a paper          cup. Place paper in box. Put golf ball in one color, then remove and place          on paper in box. Roll the ball all around box. Now repeat with other colors.          This can also be done with a closed box, so child can really move the          ball. In this case, the design will be more of a surprise!



Jewelry
Supplies

tube shaped pastas

large beads

washers

straws cut in one inch pieces

length of yarn
Have your child string a necklace in any order they want. You can try          coloring the pasta as well. (Soak pasta in a little cold water that has          been dyed with STRONG colors.)

Marsha Loeb received her BFA from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.          In addition to being the mother of four and grandmother of two, she taught          mommy and me art classes for 15 years at the Jewish Community Center in          Milwaukee. Ms. Loeb held the position of JCC Day Camp Director and Children          & Youth Director at the JCC Milwaukee. She also contributed to the          book: Taste of Jewish Traditions, (arts and crafts section) published          by the Milwaukee JCC. 














Spreading the Love: Haitian Relief Fund Charity Class
admin — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 03:57:33 +0000
I can’t stop thinking about the people of Haiti.  Perhaps it is because I had the fortune of working with  many courageous Hataian immigrants who taught me how to say Sak Pase when I was  a social worker in New York City .  Or maybe it’s because I live near a fault line and earthquake mentality drives my decisions on where to hang  or not to hang pictures  (never over the bed).  Or maybe it’s simply because being a mother has made life  and loved ones so very precious.
So,  I’m helping by spreading love with some charity.  The next “Child Proofing Your Relationship Class” I am offering will be a charity class with proceeds donated to the Hataian Earthquake Disaster Relief Fund
The details:

Childproofing Your Relationship is a crash course for love across a lifetime offered this Valentine’s Day Sunday February 14th in San Diego from 3pm-6pm. Location TBA based on registrations.  Advanced Registration is Required.
Click Here to reserve your spot 
Cost: is by donation.  Pay what you think it’s worth.  How much is learning how to get your partner to really hear you worth to you?  How much will you spend to learn how to fall in love with your partner over and over again?
100% of the profit will be donated to  Hataian Earthquake Disaster Relief Fund plus Baby Maven will donate $100 when $1,000 is raised. 
More about the class:

Child Proofing Your Relationship is a very “guy friendly” format emphasizing the unique role men play. There is no self disclosure necessary.  The format is small lecture segments based on 100% researched information followed by break out session  with your partner.



Who should take the class: It’s most relevant to couples with or expecting children and  the skills can be applied across the lifespan to gay and straight couples.  It also makes a great gift.  Sponsor a couple you love.
And here are just a few of the things people are saying about my past classes:

 “You can’t afford not to make this investment in each other.” – Jayme, San Diego
“This class exceeded my expectations by far.” -William A, New York
“I don’t like group sessions and was intimidated by the thought of this workshop but Tyia made the environment very                         comfortable and I feel every minute was very valuable to us.” – JM, San Diego
Call 800.383.1790 with any questions.
Help me spread with word.   Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere  and  by some  stroke of luck we live here.  Tweet it out, email your friends and put it on Facebook…
Lape Haiti
PS- We Raised $850!





Can Twitter Lower C-Section Rates?
admin — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:55:05 +0000
Unless you are living off the grid you know Dooce had her baby.  Who knew so many people could be waiting in collective suspense to find out her name?  Who knew I would care.  I am so curious about her labor “12 seconds of pushing” and any possible connected to the fact that almost 700,000 people were frantically refreshing their twitter tools to find out how things were moving along.
The studies on the positive powers of prayer for the sick are well documented.  When almost 700,000 people are thinking good labor thoughts for you maybe it’s a little easier to push out a baby.  Maybe you can feel that collective good will and get in touch with your inner hear-me-roar-birth-this-baby-now-warrior-woman?    Maybe there should be twitter virtual “sit in’s” for mama’s in labor and our c-section rates would go down.  Maybe it’s a whole new world.



First the Bucket List Now the Love List
admin — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:52:45 +0000
There are certain things on your list TO DO before you  die.  Maybe you want to take a balloon ride over Africa or see Paris at  dawn.  Perhaps you want to run the New York City Marathon or climb Mount  Everest..
What about an adventure much closer to home?   Is   the person you choose to have your journey through this life with you  on the list?  “Huh?”   You say in your head.    You mean the person I  brush my teeth with every night?  No.  Not exciting.   No surprises or  adventures there.
We often trade the excitement of new love for  the stability and security of long term intimacy but maybe it doesn’t  have to be either or.
Do you remember that fast heart beat  feeling you got when you first saw your spouse?  Can you imagine getting  that back?   Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity says, “Most  people have  2 or 3 relationships in their adult lifetime but  some have  those relationships with the same person.”
In Bootie After Baby  couples will create a LOVE LIST that will jump start the passion in  their marriage.  Imagine the greatest adventure of your life is getting  to fall in love with your partner over and again.
Booties After Baby June 25th 6-9pm New York City www.babymaven.org Register Now. 



The Secret to a Happy Life
admin — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 03:46:49 +0000
We do a poor job in our culture appreciating fathers.  In tv commercials and sitcom’s dad’s  are portrayed as  beer drinking buffoons like Homer Simpson.  Children’s literature is the same; over 60% of children’s books don’t even mention a father.
And maybe in generations past dads were less involved but today’s father overwhelmingly expresses a desire to be more involved than his father was and strives to be an equal parenting partner .  It’s a good thing too because the research about the essential nature of dad’s role in child rearing is overwhelming.  In fact, the number one predictor of overall happiness and success in life can be linked to having an emotionally available father in childhood. This father’s day, take the time to recognize the dad’s in your life and check out this fantastic site.
ProActiveDads.com - Dedicated to showing the world that Dads are not second-class parents!



Why Hoping to “Get Some” Backfires
admin — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 00:04:09 +0000
What does every new dad want for father’s day?  Not a  neck tie.  Not new swim trunks.  Not even a framed picture with your  kids hand print.

Nope.
Your guy wants the sex life he had  before the pitter patter of little feet across floor filled your days  and your nights.  The only problem is he doesn’t know how to get it.   He’s just hoping to”get some” but guess what?  Hoping to “get some”  means someone has to “GIVE some” and what are new mom’s doing all day  and night long?  Um, giving.
So is there sex after kids?  Yes!  In Bootie After Baby new parents learn how to turn overtures into invitations in the art of married modern flirting.  June 25th NYC 800.383.1790  or www.babymaven.org